When I was a young man, I tried my way as a wildlife tamer. I kept a group of bonobos, consisting of some younger and older animals. I got the alpha male used to wearing casual leg dresses and a cap and golf clubs. In order to make the attraction perfect, I conditioned it on a special behavior that should charm and fascinate spectators and increase their willingness to spend.

So if, at appropriate time, I lowered the pants of the alpha male, put it on a toupee of fresh yellow banana peels and ringed a bell, it was having a tumult, which led the females of the group to offer him cheap sex, so that calm returned. Afterwards, it euphorically went to a prominent location, boasting of itself with ridiculous words before it kneels down a little bit and emptied the contents of its intestine into the hollow hand, throwing shit around bystanders.

I planned my first public performance in the port of Hamburg. Unfortunately, the whole horde escaped as blind passengers on a ship overseas and I miss them very much.

Before anyone thinks they have to send me some unpopular monkey, please beforehand check it carefully for its conditioning.

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© Niekalt Verlag, Bernard Glasa